What’s Virginity? What Counts as Losing my Virginity?


What’s Virginity? What Counts as Losing my Virginity?

Being a virgin means someone hasn’t had sex. Different people think losing your virginity is different things because sex can mean different things! For some people having oral sex is losing their virginity. Other people might think losing their virginity is penetrative sex. Both are okay! Everyone has different ideas about what virginity is.

Some people think losing their virginity is a big deal. But for some people it doesn’t mean much. How someone thinks about it is personal! Before having sex, it can help to think about what virginity means to you and what you are and aren’t comfortable with. This can make sure you feel relaxed and have a good experience!

What is virginity?

The word virgin is usually used to mean someone who hasn’t had sex. But, because sex is so personal, it can mean lots of different things to different people. You can spend some time thinking about what the word means to you!

For some people, losing their virginity means masturbating, oral sex, or touching their privates. For other people it might mean vaginal or anal sex. Having sex usually doesn’t change your body, so it’s up to you to decide what virginity is! No one can decide what it means for you or whether ready for it. It’s something to chose for yourself!

Lots of people get nervous about the idea of losing their virginity. Some people put a lot of importance on being a virgin. But, having sex doesn’t change anything about yourself or your worth. Instead of thinking about losing something, you can think about gaining a new experience!

How do I figure out what losing my virginity means to me?

If you’re trying to figure out what losing your virginity means to you, you can ask yourself some questions:

  • What sexual acts do I see as sex?
  • What sexual acts do I think are losing my virginity?
  • Are there sexual acts I don’t think are sex or losing my virginity?
  • What does the idea of virginity mean to me?

Lots of people have different ways of thinking about virginity. It’s okay if you and your friends think about it differently. It doesn’t mean any way of thinking about it is wrong. It’s important to respect how everyone feels.

How do I know if I’m ready to have sex?

Before you and your partners get ready to have sex you can ask yourself some of these questions:

  • What does sex look like to me?
  • What sexual things am I comfortable with?
  • Why am I doing this?
  • Who am I doing this for?

You and your partners can talk about these questions with each other. It can help make you more comfortable! If you’re not comfortable, you can change your mind at any time.

What do I do if I’m not ready to have sex?

Sometimes people feel pressure to have sex because their partners want to or their friends are having sex. But you never you have to do anything you don’t feel ready for. Talking with your partners can help you find something that feels good to everyone!

Movies and TV shows can also make it seem like everyone is having sex. But what’s happening in those shows isn’t real life. They don’t usually talk about sex in ways that are realistic. Everyone should be able to take their time to make the decision that feels best to them!

More info

What is Foreplay

Scarleteen’s post describing foreplay and it’s benefits. Touches on issues regarding STI risk, inclusivity of gender and sexual orientations, and communication.

Consent is Sexy

Scarleteen’s post about consent and why it’s important to talk about it.–

First Intercourse 101

Provides information (more scientific) for teens thinking of having sex for the first time, such as arousal, pain, bleeding, orgasm, finishing, and aftercare. –


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