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Questions and Answers

What’s Asexuality? How Do I Know If I’m Asexual?

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An asexual person is someone who doesn’t feel sexual attraction to other people. This means that they’re not sexually interested in other people. This is different from celibacy, which is when someone chooses not to have sex. Asexuality is a sexual orientation, like being straight or bisexual. Like other sexual orientations, asexuality isn’t wrong, and it doesn’t need to change.

About 1% of people are asexual (ace). Like other orientations, asexuality can differ a lot from person to person. There’s no test to tell if you’re asexual. If you feel like asexuality fits your experiences, you can say you’re asexual.

Do asexual people date?

Asexual people have emotional needs, and they can try to fill them in lots of different ways. Some are happy on their own and others prefer a group of friends. Some enjoy romantic relationships. Because not a lot of people are asexual, they are most likely to date people who are sexual (non-asexual).

Dating can be hard for asexual people. Unlike sexual relationships, there aren’t guides to how a asexual dating should work. At the core, sexual and nonsexual relationships have the same basic stuff, like communication, closeness, fun, humour, and trust.

Since there isn’t a standard script, creating a working relationship can be harder. Figuring out how to flirt, be intimate, or be monogamous can be challenging for asexual people. But, many find that this lets them form relationships based on their own needs.

Do asexual people feel romantic attraction?

Some asexual people feel romantically attracted to others, and some don’t. Either way, they won’t have sexual desires for anyone. Instead, these people usually want to get to know someone well and to get close to them in a romantic way. Many asexual people don’t feel attracted to any gender in particular, but some only feel attraction to a particular gender. They sometimes identify as homo-, hetero-, or bi-romantic. People who don’t feel any attraction are sometimes called aromantic.

How does asexuality affect arousal?

Asexual people can still get turned on and orgasm. Things like porn can still make many asexual people aroused, and some enjoy masturbating.

Asexual people typically don’t enjoy partnered sex the way that many sexual people do, but some choose to have sex to please partners or because they like some aspects of it. Other asexual people don’t want to have sex or masturbate, and focus more on other things that could make them happy.

What does it mean if I identify as asexual?

The first thing to remember is that your identity is all your own. It can mean whatever you want it to. If you feel that asexuality fits you, then you’re free to identify as asexual. From there, it can mean whatever you want, and you’re free to change that if you feel differently later.

If you feel like asexuality suits you, that’s great! Realizing and accepting your asexuality can open up a new world for you. You have the opportunity to explore what makes you happy without a focus on sex. From there, you can build friendships or relationships that are based on your individual needs and wants.

Many people can find this confusing or scary. People often find that talking to other asexual people can help them understand their feelings. One excellent way to do that is to use the AVEN forums, which are a message board for asexual people to discuss all sorts of stuff. They also have general info and FAQs on asexuality and asexual life. A link to the AVEN website is at the end of this page.

Don’t forget: Asexuality isn’t an issue to correct. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to have sex. It’s just how ace folks experience their sexuality!

Check out the resources below for more on asexuality!

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