Sexting is when you send sexy messages through texting, programs, or apps. This includes sexy photos, videos, and text messages! There are a lot of reasons why people sext. It can be a way for people to communicate and get turned on. It can feel safer than sex. Some people in long-distance relationships find that it’s a good way to be sexually active when they’re not with their partners. Sexting can be a fun way of flirting when everyone involved feels safe and respected!
Is sexting legal?
Sexting usually falls under the same laws as any other sexual activity in Canada. That includes age of consent laws. Sending and getting sexy messages or photos is legal if everyone involved can and does consent! That means everyone involved freely agrees to do it, feels good and excited about it, and is old enough to do it legally.
If someone can’t or doesn’t consent to sexting, or if someone shares sexy pictures of another person without their permission, it can be considered a form of sexual assault.
How do I start sexting?
If you want to try sexting with someone, the first step is to get their consent! That means making sure sexting is something they want to do with you, too. It can help to be clear about what kind of messages you want to send and get. You can also ask them what kind of pictures they might want to take of themselves, or get from you! Sexting can be a great way to explore sexual fantasies and get in the mood.
When you’re sexting, there are some things to keep in mind. Character limits may make texting longer messages difficult. Your partner may not always reply right away. If you want a faster way of chatting remotely, you may want to try phone sex instead!
When it comes to sexting, different people can like different things. It can help to think of it as a way of expressing yourself sexually! Some ways people like to sext include:
- Taking and sharing photos of themselves that make them feel confident and sexy
- Describing sexy things they like to do, and asking what the other person likes
- Sexual role-playing or writing shared erotic fiction with each other
- Recording and sending sexy videos or voice notes
How can I be safer while sexting?
Before you start sexting, it can help to think about what some of the risks might be. Some people might worry about whether their photos will be shared, or about someone seeing the messages if they lose their phone or get hacked. Others might worry about their parents or peers finding out that they’re sending sexy messages. Here are some things to consider when sexting to make sure everyone feels as safe as possible.
Privacy
There are a few ways to protect your privacy, and the privacy of the person you’re messaging, when sexting:
- Only send sexy messages when you’re somewhere private, like at home in your room, in a bathroom stall that’s locked, or somewhere else you know you won’t be interrupted.
- Ask the person you’re sexting with if there are times of day when they don’t want to get sexy messages, like when they’re at work or school.
- Turn off message previews on your phone’s home screen.
- Don’t sext using devices that are provided by your work or school, like a work phone or school laptop.
- Only send photos that don’t show your face, and that have identifying marks, like tattoos or birthmarks, blurred out.
- Don’t show your or your partner’s sexy messages to anyone without your partner’s permission!
Security
Privacy means that your sexy messages stay between you and the people who consent to getting them. Security refers to the ways you can protect that privacy from the outside. That can look like:
- Turning off automatic cloud syncing for images on your devices.
- Using 2-factor authentication.
- Deleting your images after sending them, or storing them on a secure device.
- Using an encrypted messaging system for sexting, like Signal, or sexting from a device that’s using a VPN.
- Always reading the terms of service for the device, app, or program you’re using to send sexy messages, and opting out of data collection that might include your messages.
Safety, consent, and trust
It’s important to be able to trust your partner before you send them sexy pictures of yourself. If you don’t want them sharing those photos with other people, you can talk to them about it. If you’re worried that they may do so anyway, you can consider not sending the photos. You can always say no to sexting for any reason, just like you can to any other kind of sexual activity!
I sent someone sexy photos and now they might share them without my consent! What can I do?
If someone threatens to share your sexy photos or messages without your consent, you can consider telling someone you trust. A parent, counsellor, or good friend can support you and help you figure out your next steps.
Releasing someone’s sexy photos without their consent is sometimes called “revenge porn”. Revenge porn is illegal, especially when the victim is underage. If someone does this to you, know that it’s not okay and it’s not your fault. If you want it, you have legal recourse, just like you would for a physical sexual assault.
