Talking about sex can make some people nervous and that’s okay! It can be hard to ask someone to have sex with you. Being clear about what you want can help get consent and avoid any confusion. It helps to be ready for any answer someone gives. That way you can make sure no one feels pressure to say yes to anything they don’t want!
You and your partners can also talk about what you like and don’t like! This way everyone can feel safe and comfortable with their decision. It’s important to respect everyone’s decision about what they want to do. Anyone can change their minds, even the person who asked for something!
Before asking someone to have sex
Before you ask someone to have sex, you can figure out what you like. You can ask yourself some questions to figure out what kinds of sex and relationships you want. You can ask:
- Do I want a casual or a long-term relationship?
- What kind of sex do I want? What am I not comfortable with?
- There are lots of kinds of sex! You can figure out how you feel about each one.
- You can also make a list of the things you don’t like so you can have clear boundaries.
- Do you know the risks of the sex you want to have? Are you comfortable with them?
Asking these and other questions can help you figure out what you want. That makes it easier to talk to your partners!
How do I start the conversation?
Talking about sex before you want to have it can give everyone time to think. This can avoid pressure and help you get comfortable with your partners. All of that makes it easier to talk about boundaries.
You can have this talk in a comfortable and safe environment, like a coffee shop you like! A calm talk in a safe environment can help everyone be honest about how they feel and what they want.
Talking about what you like
If you tell the someone what you like, they can think about whether they want the same thing. That helps them make a clear decision! If you’re trans, non-binary, or both, it’s also a way to explain what you like and how you want them to talk about your parts.
Telling your partners what you like and don’t like can help you find what you’re both into. You can also ask them what they want to do and what they’re not into.
Talking about sex can make a lot of people nervous. It’s important not to judge anyone for what they like or don’t like. Everyone likes different things!
Talking about safer sex
Before you have sex with someone, you can find the ways you want to make it safer. You can talk about STIs, how you want to prevent them, and if you’ve gotten tested. It’s a good time to talk about your HIV status and any medications you take, like PrEP. You can use barriers like condoms or dental dams to lower the risk for STIs.
If one of you could get pregnant, you can also talk about the risks and birth control.
Talking about safer sex can be especially hard for some people who are transgender, non-binary, either or both. Talking about your body can also be really vulnerable. Thankfully, there are some helpful ways to talk about safer sex, pregnancy, and STIs.
Respecting their response
Your partners might not want the same kinds of sex as you. They might not want any kind of sex. It’s important to respect their decision and only ask once. Making them feel bad about it or bringing it up again might make them feel unsafe.
Some people need time to think about it. Giving them that time can help avoid pressure. That lets them make the best choice for them!
Partners might bring up other kinds of sex they like. You can decide if you’re interested in anything they want to do. You can always say no. They need to respect your choice too!
Learning that you and your partners don’t want the same kinds of sex can be tough. You can remember there are lots of other people who might be into the same things as you. There’s also lots sexy things you can do without a partner! You can try masturbating, sex toys, or fantasizing. There are lots of ways you can enjoy yourself!