It’s common for people to have a higher or lower sex drive than their partners. After all, everyone has different sex drives! When it comes to how often a person wants to have sex, everyone is different.
Everyone has their own individual recipe for how, when, where and what turns them on. Some people prefer to have sex in the morning, others might want to at night. Some might only get turned on somewhere quiet while others need music. There are as many possibilities as there are people in the world!
Sex drive can also change in different situations. Some people may be less interested in sex during a stressful period like exams. And things like age, medications, and hormones can all affect people’s sex drives.
Since everyone has different levels of sexual desire, wanting sex more or less often than a partner is common. Though it may feel like a drag when desires don’t match up, it’s important to respect what everyone feels like doing.
What should I do if I have a higher sex drive than my partner?
Wanting sex more often than a partner can be frustrating! If you think of sex as an important part of your relationships, you might start to feel like your relationship is in trouble if you’re not having sex as much as you’d like.
It can help to talk to your partner about how you feel. This can sometimes help clear up any misunderstanding, especially if you feel like your relationship is in trouble. It’s also important to let them know that you want to respect their boundaries and what they want. Your partner probably has some feelings of their own, so encouraging them to talk about them can help.
You might find out that your partner is open to having some sex, but they might not want to have sex as often as you’d like. They also might not be into the same things you are. If that’s the case, you can figure out intimate things that you both might enjoy like kissing, cuddling, or watching each other masturbate. You can also talk about when and where you’d like to do these things and encourage your partner to do the same.
Whatever they want, it’s important to respect what your partners are comfortable with. They may even want to have sex more often if they don’t feel as much pressure!
What should I do if I want sex less than a partner?
You might feel guilty for not wanting to have sex as much as your partners, but know that what you do and don’t want is worth respecting. It can be hard to set boundaries and limits, but it’s important to. Talking about what’s off the table can even help you feel closer to your partners and find things that are enjoyable for everyone!
Before you have any kind of sex with a partner, it can help to start by asking yourself what you really like to do. Remember that there are no wrong answers to these questions! You can ask yourself:
- What does sex mean to me? Which activities do I consider to be sex?
- What makes me comfortable, and what makes me uncomfortable?
- What kinds of sex am I interested in? What do I not want to do?
- Do I know the risks of the kinds of sex I want and how to reduce them? Am I comfortable with these risks?
It can also help to call or text Tel-Jeunes or talk to a friend you trust to help you figure out the answers to these questions.
Asking these questions can help you know what you want and make it easier to talk to a partner about it.
What if we can’t find a solution?
If your sexual drive doesn’t match a partner’s, then it might help to find other ways you can meet your needs. You can try masturbation and even add new toys or lube. You can also find ways to deal with sexual urges when they happen. Many people find that things like exercise or finding a distraction you enjoy can help. Remember that you are ultimately responsible for your own sexual pleasure and desires.