It’s very common for people to have different sex drives. Some people want to have sex more or less than others, and that’s ok! Sex drives can even change throughout someone’s lifetime, like during puberty. But sometimes, when a person never or very rarely has the desire to have sex with another person, it could mean they are asexual.
What is asexuality?
Asexuality is a sexual orientation. Just like some people are straight, bisexual, gay, or queer, some people are asexual. That means they feel little to no sexual attraction towards anyone.
Someone who is asexual might feel other kinds of attraction or affection, like platonic or romantic love. And, most asexual people can still get physically turned on. They just don’t feel sexual attraction the way some other people do!
Can asexual people date? Have relationships?
Yep! People who are asexual can still want to have relationships with others. These relationships can include close friendships, romantic partnerships, and more!
There are lots of different ways to be attracted to someone, not just sexual! And there are lots of ways to be with someone, date someone, and have long-term relationships. Just because someone doesn’t experience sexual attraction doesn’t mean they can’t be a good partner, or have loving, healthy relationships.
Do asexual people ever have sex?
Sure! Being asexual is different than not being able to feel turned on. People who are asexual can still get aroused, masturbate, and even have sex!
Because people can want to have sex for lots of different reasons, some people who don’t feel sexual attraction might still want to have sex. Some of these reasons include:
- Enjoying the physical sensations of sex
- Wanting to share something with their partner
- Wanting to feel like they’re attractive to other people
- Being turned on by something other than the person they’re having sex with
- And more!
As long as everyone involved feels good and excited about it, and are comfortable talking to each other about their needs and expectations, there’s nothing wrong with having sex without feeling attracted to someone.
There’s also nothing wrong with not wanting to have sex, or with never having sex with anyone! Everyone has the right to decide for themselves whether or not they want to have sex, and for what reasons.
Okay, what’s demisexual? Aromantic? What do all these labels mean??
Demisexual usually refers to someone who might feel sexual attraction sometimes, but only under specific conditions, like with people they know really well. Aromantic usually means someone who doesn’t feel romantic attraction to other people, but might still feel sexual or other kinds of attraction.
Sexual orientation and sexual identity can be complex! And, the language that people use to talk about things like libido, attraction, desire, and sexuality can change over time, and from place to place. Nobody has to use terms like these to identify themselves, or to talk about their own experiences. But some people find them useful, and that’s okay too!
How do I know if I am asexual?
Ultimately, only you get to decide what, if anything, sexual attraction feels like to you. That means you are the expert on whether or not you’re asexual!
Some people might identify as asexual because they feel any one of the following:
- A lack of sexual attraction to other people generally
- Rarely or never wanting to have sex, or even being sex-repulsed
- Only feeling attraction or desire towards people they know really well, and not towards strangers, celebrities, or casual acquaintances
But these aren’t the only reasons why someone might identify as asexual! Asexuality is a spectrum. That means there are lots of different ways that people might experience being asexual.
When your relationship with sex changes over time
It’s common for people to want more or less sex at different times in their life. Peoples’ libido and their relationship to sex can be affected by a lot of things! Mental or physical illness, certain medications, and life circumstances like going through a break-up or dealing with a busy time at work or school can all affect how much someone wants to have sex.
If you’re having trouble getting aroused, or you feel like your lack of attraction to people is related to your mental or physical health, you can talk to a doctor about it! They can help you find solutions. You can also look for a therapist or mental health professional who LGBTQIA+ affirming!
