faq

Am I Cheating if I Think about Sex with Someone Else? If I Watch Porn?

FAQs

Am I Cheating if I Think about Sex with Someone Else? If I Watch Porn?

Many people wonder what “counts” as cheating in a relationship. There’s no one right answer! At its core, cheating means breaking the trust or commitment you have with a partner by being close or intimate with someone else. This can happen if someone does something they know their partner isn’t ok with, does something without asking, or lies about something they did.

But different people can have different things that they’re comfortable with their partners doing. Some people believe that kissing, fooling around, or having sex outside of a relationship is cheating. Others might see flirting or close, romantic talks as a kind of cheating. Some people might feel like their partner fantasizing about another person or wanting to date them is a kind of cheating.

You might think all of these, some of these, or none of these things are cheating. What’s important is thinking about what cheating means to you, and what it might mean to your partner. Then you can talk with them and learn what what might hurt them and why. Doing something that hurts your partner doesn’t make you a bad person, but it’s still important to be honest and respect your partner’s feelings. It’s also important for them to be honest and respect your feelings, too!

Is it wrong to think about or have sex with someone else? Is that cheating?

When it comes to what people want out of a relationship, not everyone is the same. Different people can have different wants and needs, whether they’re single or in relationships. You might feel that:

  • You only want to have sex with one person who you’re in a relationship with
  • Relationships aren’t for you, but you do want to have sex with more than one person
  • While you’re only interested in sex with one partner, you want to fantasize about other people
  • You want to have sex with your partner and other people
  • You’re not interested in sex with anyone

Any of these feelings (and more!) are okay.

It’s important to be on the same page as your partner. Talking about how you feel or what you want can open the door to what everyone might be happy with. It can also tell you what might hurt your partner.

Is watching porn without my partner cheating?

Many people like to get turned on by viewing porn. Porn can help people explore what kinds of sex they might like to try. It can be fun or relaxing. Watching porn can be part of a healthy sex life.

If you are worried about how your partner might feel about you watching porn, it might help to talk about it. Conversations can help partners feel more connected and relaxed in a relationship. Tools like Scareleteen’s yes/no/maybe list can be a good place to start talking!

Is it ever ok to have sex with someone else?

Yes! If everyone in a relationship knows about it, they’re consenting, and they’re happy about the situation, it’s ok! Many people enjoy open or polyamorous relationships, where they have more than one partner.

You might hear bad things about people who want to have sex with people outside of their relationship. Sometimes people assume that someone who has sex outside of their relationship is a bad person, or that they’re untrustworthy, trashy, or “slutty”. Often, people are especially hard on women and gay or bisexual men, who are seen as promiscuous. This means having a lot of sex with different people. This can be because of sexism, homophobia, biphobia, or a combination or these. As long as you and your partner(s) are okay with it, how you have sex and who you have sex with doesn’t need to be anyone else’s business.

What should I do if my partner cheats on me?

Relationships can be complicated. It’s rare for any relationship to be 100% perfect all the time! If your partner lies to you, it’s okay to be angry, sad, confused, hurt, or any other emotion. It doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t love you, or that you don’t love them.

If you feel like you can never fully trust your partner, that can be what’s sometimes known as a red flag. This is a sign that you might want to think about whether the relationship feels safe and trusting. Trust and boundaries are important in most relationships. If your partner does a lot of things that they know will hurt you, or lies to you about things like if they’re having sex with someone else, it’s okay to stand up for yourself.

What should I do if my partner is jealous and thinks I’m cheating when I’m not.

Sometimes, people can feel insecure about their relationships. They might worry that their partner doesn’t love them as much as they love their partner, or worry about getting dumped. When you don’t talk about fears like this, handling them can be hard! Sometimes normal fears and insecurities can turn into jealousy. When this happens, people might worry that their partner is cheating, even if there’s no sign that they are.

It’s important to talk about these feelings. Lots of people deal with insecurities in relationships, and it doesn’t mean you don’t love each other. In fact, talking about them and supporting each other can be a way to show that love.

There are a few signs that jealousy or suspicion might be leading to an unhealthy or abusive relationship, like if a partner…

  • Accuses you of cheating over and over again, even though you aren’t
  • Tells you not to spend time with any of your friends because it makes them jealous
  • Yells at you, hits you, or otherwise punishes you
  • Tells other people you’re cheating on them when you’re not

Talking to your partner about your fears and insecurities should be a step towards feeling more comfortable and secure. It’s not okay for your partner to use that to shame you, hurt you, or make you feel dirty or bad.

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